Category Archives: Uncategorized

working on island time

IMG_7285There is this assumption amongst friends and family back home that my life is paradise since moving to a tropical island. I often read comments on Facebook that sound something like these: Aruba looks like heaven, or you packed and moved to paradise, or you’re living the dream, or the ever popular jealous. Their words are on mark when it comes to many moments in my life, but I hate to break it to everyone that the reality is my alarm still goes off at 5 every morning, and I’m out the door on my way to work everyday before 7. And even though there are many days when my work is enjoyable and rewarding, I would hardly call it paradise.

The truth is I spend 9 to 10 hours five days a week working and additional time away from work attending events or working at home to meet deadlines. I’m clearly not lounging under the sun, scrunching white sand beneath my toes, and sipping rum punch most days. I’m usually drinking cup after cup of coffee and a much coveted club soda during the 30 minute break I have to scarf down a cafeteria lunch, which always consists of a plate of rice with a side slab of mystery meat. Depending on the day, I get 60 to 90 sacred silent moments to do all the work it takes to teach class after class of teenagers in English and history. And this teaching of teenagers, according to my all time favorite quote on the profession by Franklin Habit, “seems to require the sort of skills one would need to pilot a bus full of live chickens backwards, with no brakes, down a rocky road through the Andes while simultaneously providing colorful and informative commentary on the scenery.” So, yes, I am on that bus for 7 hours everyday—it’s a far cry from the beach.

Beginning with the sound of my alarm, my morning routine hasn’t changed much from that of my previous life. Really the only difference I can think of is that my breakfast now consists of one banana. I vaguely remember making oatmeal on cold, drizzly mornings in another place and time. Some days, if I didn’t have time to make breakfast, I would grab a banana nut bread on my daily stop at Starbucks. I no longer make frequent stops at the Starbucks drive thru en route to work, which usually had a line of cars that wrapped around the building and onto the street because apparently every other American had the same morning routine.There are days in Aruba, however, when I do stop at the Tur Dia (I think this is Papiamento for everyday) for a cheese pastechi. This is usually on Friday mornings, after the last of the bananas have turned a dark spotted brown because fruit ripens quickly in the tropics.

I still drive an old car, a Hyundai instead of a Honda. Only my commute in a jalopy does not shorten my telomeres as it once did on a heavily congested freeway—one that is always under construction in the city where I come from—where if your car were to break down, a helicopter would soon be flying overhead to report the mile-long traffic jam caused as result of your modest teacher salary. If my car breaks down here, I could just veer off on to the open space of dirt along the side of the one lane road, and someone would probably even stop to help me. The combination of sun, sand, and sea in the air can wreak havoc on a vehicle however; two of my door handles have fallen off and my windshield wipers just stopped working last week. But I’m not complaining because it seldom rains on a desert island and no one here judges me for not having door handles. And any commute where one routinely sees chickens and goats on their way to work is worth the price of not being able to open a car door or sometimes see clearly through the windshield.    

Once I get to my classroom, I drop my bag and turn on the airco; it’s like an oven in there every single morning of the year. I plop down at my desk and open up my laptop to check email. Checking email when I first arrive at work is something I would do in my old life, but earlier this week on Monday morning, a little bird was flying around the room above me while I sat and surveyed my inbox. Actually, a bird flying about indoors is unusual here as well because it is much more common to find creepy crawlies slithering on the ground. And on that same day, during my second period class, a student spotted a scorpion and everyone hysterically jumped to their feet. Luckily, the scorpion was already dead, which I discovered after evacuating the classroom since my students were already trying to kill it. I’m preparing for the day that I come across a boa constrictor or a centipede. I have watched in awe as other teachers have clobbered centipedes with rocks or captured boa constrictors coiled around toilets. I only hope I can be so brave!

The working part of my life here seems more familiar to me than anything else on this island. The school runs very much like the schools I have worked at in the States. I have fewer students overall, but I make up for it by teaching multiple subjects across several grade levels. I never teach the same lesson twice, which is great if the lesson was a complete flop, but not so much if there is room for improvement the next go around. And I’m always flying by the seat of my pants as far as content goes because there isn’t much time to read ahead. Thursday morning I reviewed students through Hamilton vs. Jefferson, and then moved on to another class about vague pronoun references mid-morning, followed by a class covering the French Revolution before lunch, and then an afternoon of character analysis covering a book I haven’t read in years. 

Teenagers are pretty much the same all around the world. The typical traits for the adolescent stage of development are fairly predictable. Teens are by nature impulsive, gregarious, argumentative, rebellious, moody, hilarious, and extremely energetic. Inevitably, when someone asks what it is I do for a living, they always respond with you couldn’t pay me enough or that isn’t a job I would want. Usually, I piece together a quick defense of the profession and of teenagers in general. “They’re just developing their independence,” I explain. “It’s totally normal for them to question authority. It means they are thinking critically.” “Maybe we as adults could benefit from recovering some of these traits instead of blindly accepting the status quo.” This is also what I tell myself on the really challenging days, which are usually the days when I have left my sense of humor at home. When all else fails, I just remind myself that their full frontal lobe is not fully developed.

I still come home from work exhausted. How can you not after arriving at sunrise to spend all day piloting a bus full of chickens backwards down a rocky road in the Andes? Nowadays, I let myself take a siesta when I get home from work, which is an instinct I always fought in the United States because it felt lazy. But I’m in the land of hammocks now, not a place for guilt when it comes to relaxation. I eat a snack when I get home from work and then I am out like a light. It’s the strangest kind of sleep ever, knocked out and dead to the world for all of 15 minutes. After I wake up, I carry forward with my evening by trying to create a semblance of some kind of life away from work. I am more than my job, I remind myself. I have interests and hobbies; at the very least, I must exercise and eat a healthy dinner. Most of the time I can pull together an evening that reflects all of this somewhat, maybe an evening yoga class or dinner out with friends, except on Fridays. On Fridays I wave the white flag, order take out, and watch a movie on Netflix. As long as I have something on schedule for Saturday night, I never worry about a Friday night with Netflix.

I wish I could say that the island has cured my Friday fatigue or that feeling that there is never enough time to do it all. The irony is my job is harder than ever since moving to paradise. It takes every bit of the many years of experience I have to handle it, but here is the thing—I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I weren’t living in paradise. I would have already lost my mind trying to do what I do here in Dallas. Americans could learn a lot from this because I have never been more productive than I am now that I live on island time. My work load is heavier than ever, my schedule is nuts, and whenever I turn around I am greeting new students with varying degrees of English proficiency. But something about island mentality melts away all the stress, and without the added stress, all of it seems doable. On an island, the collective mindset is that everything will eventually get done and there is always a beach to go to when the work is over. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you follow this formula.

The best part about living on a rock surrounded by beaches is there is never a need to take a vacation to a beach to get away from it all, which leaves space to explore another kind of landscape when you finally make it to vacation time. We leave for Colombia in one week. It’s been a long stretch until Spring Break this year, and I have never been more ready to turn off the alarm clock and throw out the schedule.

A Green Christmas in Aruba


It’s hot and sticky outside and my neighbor, Poor John, is blasting “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” from his house, which seems surreal since the island is turning green… definitively not white. Sinterklaas visits homes tomorrow evening with his Zwarte Piet, and all the children will place their shoes next to the front door in hopes that he will leave behind a bright orange carrot inside one of their shoes instead of beating them with his twig broom. It’s the rainy season here now, so it’s best to always carry a large, strong umbrella. Sunny days are deceptive this time of year because storms surge in suddenly out of nowhere and bring a torrential downpour for all of two minutes and then leave as quickly as they came. Welcome to December in the Dutch Caribbean.


Who knows if Sinterklaas is even on the island. The typical two-minute torrential downpour lasted all morning two weeks ago when Sinterklaas was scheduled to arrive by boat at 10am. He may have drowned out at sea in the storm since his boat never made it to the port that day, leaving thousands of children on the island terribly disappointed. We had planned to welcome him as well; instead, I spent all day trapped inside my house watching the dirt roads in Tanki Flip turn into rivers.

The rain had been pounding down on the rooftop all morning that day, but my reaction was flat after Hurricane Mathew passed by in late September. It seems as if it hasn’t stopped raining since Matthew. I stayed in bed enjoying the rain, lost inside a book while my phone pinged again and again. Finally, sensing something wasn’t quite right with a barrage of Sunday text messages, I took time to scroll through countless texts about rising water around the island. Some colleagues had posted alarming pictures, so alarming that I sprung up out of bed to look outside my window and survey the water level.

My patio chairs were already under water, and they would have been floating around the backyard if they were made from wicker instead of wood. I rushed about the house pulling the curtains back at every window. The empty garbage bin was madly swirling around in the side yard playing bumper cars with everything in its path. Looking out the front of the house, neighbors were wading in water up to their thighs while transporting giant slabs of plywood board from one house to another as they screamed words I could not understand in Papiamento. Their actions, however, communicated to me that the situation was serious. They seemed to know exactly what to do and clearly benefitted from being natives, already busy dropping sandbags in front of their doors.

Within moment of realizing I should probably follow their lead, my electricity was out and my dreamy Sunday morning had turned into a nightmare. The toilet began mocking me for my septic tank ignorance as it loudly gurgled out over and over. I closed the bathroom door and tried to ignore the sound. When was the last time I had that thing serviced? I looked outside at an elevated platform that marked the septic spot and all its nefarious wickedness lurking below ground. Water was already starting to lap up over the top of it. I noticed that a rock precariously covered the hole at the center. Is that normal? Shouldn’t it be tightly sealed shut?


Needless to say, I was not prepared for a flood. There were days and days of weather tracking and nail biting anticipation before Hurricane Matthew, but I was busy living my life this particular weekend and had no clue dangerous weather was even on the radar. My main concern was just how high the water would rise. When would it start to come inside the house? And how long would the toilet continue to chide me before the septic system caused real harm?

I looked outside again and spotted a Cocker Spaniel swimming down the street. The water was now seeping in under my front door. I began throwing any absorbent material I could find in the pathway of the water flowing inside under the door: old towels, sheets, mattress covers, and a suitcase of winter clothing for safe measure. Then I  started moving things in every room to higher ground, stacking stuff on top of beds, dressers and the dining room table. I packed a backpack of items that I would not want to lose or have destroyed including my passport and international documents, souvenirs from South America, and pictures of my friends and family back home.

And then, just as steadily as it had risen, the waist-high water began to slowly recede. The rain had finally stopped. It took a very long time and I wasn’t able to open the front door until the sun was setting that evening, but I have never been so thankful to turn a knob and push a door open.

The clean-up is still in progress two weeks later, and Poor John has been a big help, although he isn’t always the most reliable. I have learned that as soon as I pay him, he will quickly drop the rake, machete, or whatever is in his hand at the moment to race to the store and buy a bottle of rum. Then he comes back a few days later and usually points to a large knot on the top of his head caused by, he claims, a falling coconut. “It’s not healing, Jennifer. I need medicine. I work now. You pay me 200 Florin. I respect you.”

In the aftermath of each and every storm that has hit the island this season, construction on a cunucu house continues at a roundabout I pass through everyday to and from work. Decorating roundabouts by building some sort of festive structure strung to the hilt with lights is all part of a holiday tradition on the island. This particular roundabout also gets a lot of traffic because a herd of goats gathers there during rush hours most days. Something about that roundabout and those goats and the cunucu house makes me incredibly happy.


Maybe it is in the way the island goats take over and block traffic, doing whatever they damn well please in spite of all of these humans and their moving machines. Or perhaps it is also how Arubans just patiently wait for the goats to move along without honking horns or running them over. Once the goats are gone, you can amuse yourself by driving around and around to check out the progress on the house. On Monday, they have carved designs onto the outside columns, by Friday they have painted the whole thing blue, and the next week the inside is completely furnished with tables and chairs and such. There is even a Christmas tree inside. They built a house from the ground up in the middle of a busy intersection where four lanes of  traffic constantly merge around and around in every direction. Why? Because it is Christmas in Aruba and nothing is going to stand in the way of that, no matter how much rain falls from the sky. 


7 Island Trade-offs To Treasures

Originally published on 10/24/16 on Women who Live on Rocks


I am learning to live on a shoestring budget after taking a walloping salary cut when I moved to Aruba. Even though my modest teacher salary was almost cut in half, my income here is actually comparable to the average income for most Arubans, so I aptly adapted and am living like the locals. In so doing, I quickly shed my American consumer mentality in order to survive. I said goodbye to a myriad of products and brands and services that were once part of my everyday life. There are things I simply cannot afford to indulge in while living in paradise. My kitchen is not equipped with every major appliance. I never did buy a toaster. I don’t read magazines anymore. And at nearly $10 a box, cereal for breakfast in the morning is no longer an option. I will admit that the hardest thing to give up has been shopping for clothes. And if flip flops do not count as real footwear, then I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes since moving here 15 months ago – now that may easily be my greatest sacrifice.

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It all sounds a bit gloomy and bleak, but that is not the case at all. There is this delightful game of bartering that takes place when it comes to island living. And if you engage in the shuffling of one thing for another with creative enthusiasm, the island will lead you to discover a gleaming treasure in exchange for everything you are forced to relinquish. Since some things here are astronomically expensive, they are swapped out for other things that are surprisingly cheap. And most of the time a far more amusing, and sometimes superior, substitute is uncovered. That, or you learn that you never needed what you gave up in the first place.

Here are 7 of the trade-offs for treasures that I have discovered in my island life:

1. Seafood and take away snacks are what’s for dinner.

Buying food on an island is expensive. If it is in a glossy package with a cartoon character and catchy caption, then you are going to have to quit cold turkey because it will cost 3 to 4 times the amount that it does in the states. I’ve had to shorten my itemized grocery list significantly to make it on this new budget. Luckily, living on an island brings a fresh daily supply of seafood for next to nothing. I pay about $3-4 USD for the catch of the day, which would cost me a fortune in the landlocked city where I previously lived. When it comes to finding other staple grocery items, it pays to shop around. Some of the best deals can be found in small corner stores that advertise imported products from countries in South America. I walked to one like this around the corner from my house early this morning. I went in for eggs and left with a dozen in a simple paper carton stamped Aruba. I also bought a bag of purple Peruvian potatoes, a bunch of bananas, and a handful of chicha moradacandies. All of this cost around 10 Florin, which is the equivalent of $5.59 USD.

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Arubans love their snacks, and culinary influences from all over the planet merge here. At every turn, there is a take away located next to homes that doubles as a business. It’s as if mom is cooking in her kitchen for the entire island and everyone is invited to sample recipes passed down from one generation to another. She opens up the Dutch door and invites all who pass by to order up an Aruban pastechi, or a Colombian emapanada, or a Dutch croquette, or Surinamese roti, or Peruvian ceviche. And the good news is that all of these savory snacks are filling and served generously enough to double as a meal when you are on a budget. Essentially, dinner can be bought for the price of a snack, which is about 3-6 Florin, or roughly $2-3 USD.

2. Movies are cheap if you can’t afford the book.

Buying books and magazines here is costly. I’ve had to give up magazines altogether. I will sometimes stop in front of the magazine aisle at the grocery store or bookstore to casually flip through and mourn this loss. Recently, I signed up for a library card to make my way around the book dilemma. Still, it is not a perfect solution, and it can be impossible to find some authors. I’m currently looking for Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom. It’s like trying to find sap to harvest from a maple tree in the dense desert island thicket. The worst is reading the name of an author perched high on a shelf, only to open it up and find the book is written in Dutch. But if you can’t find the book, the next best thing is finding out that it will be released as a movie because going to the movies here is surprisingly cheap. On Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, tickets are 2 for 1. And buying popcorn and soda isn’t a luxury here like it is in the states. No need to sneak a candy bar in your handbag. Basically, you can go to the movies and have the popcorn for around 12 Florin, which is about $6.70 USD.

3. Remember to ask for the local discount.

Once I officially became a working resident and obtained the much coveted AZV card, I found out that there are all kinds of discounts if you remember to ask. Any tourist destination will let you pay the USD amount with Aruban Florins, which is basically slashing the price in half. We take advantage of this hiking Arikok Park most Sundays. My favorite Florin for Dollar deal is at a luxury resort on the island, Tierra del Sol, where you can go on Sundays and pay 90 Florin (around $50 USD) for a one hour massage and gain access to the pool and other facilities for the remainder of the day. And other retail businesses often offer a decent discount on products sold to island residents. Aruba Aloe offers discounts on all of their aloe body products, so I buy all of my body lotion there. It feels good to support local businesses too.

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4. Laundry service is one of the best deals around.

There are laundry services on every corner all over the island where you can plop down a bag of dirty laundry and just walk away. They will wash it, dry it, and then professionally fold everything and pack it up for pick up. It always feels and smells like angels have cleaned your laundry. All of this for 12 Florin a load. It may sound like a hefty amount, but when you factor in that you live on an island and only wear one summer season wardrobe and that laundry detergent could easily cost you almost the same amount since it is one of those ridiculously expensive items, then paying for laundry service just makes economic sense. Throughout my first year, I stubbornly insisted on doing laundry at home and hanging it on the line to dry while lizards darted between my feet. The novelty soon wore off, and after my washing machine quit working, I realized I was just wasting my time with the line and lizards. Now I take two bags every two weeks and pay about $24 USD a month. And nothing compares to not having to do laundry. I remind myself of this everyday while routinely washing a never-ending stack of dishes by hand.

5. Let go of brand loyalty and look for the Dutch equivalent.

Aruba is part of the Dutch Caribbean, so the influence from the Netherlands is felt all over the island. I discovered early on that the Dutch stuff is cheaper than the American product next to it on the shelf, yet the quality is always the same, or sometimes even better. So when I am out shopping for just about anything, I veer my cart towards the Dutch products. I have no idea what any of the stuff is since I don’t speak the language and can’t read the labels. I decipher what I am buying through the picture on the package. Some American products are sold in disguise in the Netherlands, like Mr. Clean who is Mr. Proper. One of the best things about buying Dutch is that there is always some new quirky discovery to make. I sometimes take my native friend shopping with me and have her introduce me to new products at the grocery store. “Show me something that you would buy,” I dramatically plead. A few weeks ago, she taught me about hagelslag. These are sprinkles like the kind on top of donuts and cupcakes that cause kids to squeal and clap their hands simultaneously, but in the Netherlands, adults pour them over bread and butter. Who needs breakfast cereal when you have hagelslag? Another perk to living under the Dutch influence is the ubiquitous, inexpensive, never-ending supply of gourmet cheese. They sell it in bulk, giant blocks of it are on the shelves in every store, including the gas station.

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6. The best beaches in life are free.

Most of the things I do here that bring joy are absolutely free. Going to the beach tops the list. It is the go-to replacement for anything that seems to be missing. I have also taken up hiking because I can’t get enough of the natural setting here after living in a cement city for so long. And the water that fills my bottle to keep me hydrated is some of the best water in the world. It is delicious and also costs next to nothing because of the superior desalination system here in Aruba: it flows right out of the tap. Most entertainment on the island is free of cost as well since entertainment here consists of one festival after another, month after month. The islanders do like to celebrate. The biggest celebration on the island takes place during the season of Carnival; it doesn’t cost a dime and all of the events held for over a month leading up to it are also free of charge. Basically, you bring your own chair, take a seat on the street, mix yourself a drink, and enjoy the show.

7. Say goodbye to a grueling commute.

The best kind of trade offs are the things from your previous life that needed to go. Cold weather comes to mind. Grueling commutes are another. Nearly two years ago when I was considering the move to Aruba, I remember thinking I could never make it if my salary was nearly cut in half. But so much of my hard-earned money was spent just maintaining life working in the city. One of the biggest expenses was my commute to work. Sometimes my trip home would take over an hour because of gridlock traffic on freeways. Nothing eased the pain of that daily back and forth, no amount of audiobooks, or NPR, or Spanish language lessons. I no longer drive on freeways. Nowadays, my commute is ten minutes on winding roads, lined with towering cacti. If there is a traffic jam, it is usually because the goats have gathered for a meeting in the roundabout. And like the beach, my new commute to work more than makes up for any sacrifices I have made – it may even be a fair trade off for all the shoes I haven’t bought since moving to this rock. Of course, if you ask any island girl, flip-flops do count as actual footwear.

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What are some trade-offs you’ve made on your rock that have ended up being a surprising benefit of island living?

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10 more simple proofs that I have landed in some magical place


I recently discovered hagelslag. To my English ears, the word sounds like it might describe something hideous, like a troll living under a bridge or rotten coleslaw. Hagleslag are actually sprinkles, like the kind you put on top of donuts and cupcakes, magical colorful confetti sprinkled on baked goods that make little kids lose it, letting out a high-pitched squeal and maniacally jumping up and down while clapping their hands. Here in Aruba under the influence of the Dutch, grown-ass adults copiously sprinkle this stuff all over plain bread and butter, it’s usually eaten for breakfast. Who needs Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms when you have hagelslag to pour over your toast in the morning.

Snorkeling is the best way to go on an adventure without any hassle. Just put on your mask and dive into another world.

Laundry service is at the top of the list when it comes to island trade-offs. I have to wash all of my dishes by hand, but I no longer do laundry because there is a laundry service on just about every corner, and for 12 Florin per load, you can drop off your clothes and just walk away from this tedious, time-consuming, task altogether. When you go to pick up clean laundry, all of your clothes and towels will be meticulously folded and smell as if an actual angel from above did this chore for you. These people are professionals. Trust me, you can’t get these results at home.

On the way into the grocery store, you can choose from a rather large collection of smoothies. They are already prepared and ready to go, and you can sip on them while you push the cart along the aisle. My favorite is the pineapple-coconut.

We’ve recently discovered many homes that dot the coastlines along the rough side of the island where the waves crash on to the rocks. Anyone can take up temporary residence for an afternoon cookout, and it’s a great place to watch the sunset.

All of the artistic souls who call this island their home came together recently to put together the first annual Aruba Art Fair in San Nicolas. Just a few steps down from the red light district, abandoned buildings along the street were transformed into gallery spaces for the evening where artist displayed their works. Meanwhile, on the outside of these buildings, painters could be found high up on scaffolding putting their finishing touches on spectacular murals. Some were even spray painting the police station. Dancers and musicians performed over a course of three days, and people flocked to this event from all over the island.  The weekend after that we attended the Caribbean Jazz Festival. More live performance. More food and drink. And lots of fun.

The catch-of-the day is often what’s for dinner because it is so incredibly cheap.

People open up their homes as businesses all over the island. Most of these businesses serve up traditional snacks prepared from recipes passed down from one generation to another. My house is a few steps from a home that serves up savory Aruban pastechi. At another home around the corner, you can find Surinamese roti. Walk a little farther down the street, and you come across a Colombian home that offers homemade empanadas and arepas. Culinary influences merge from all over the world here, and mom is cooking something delicious up in a kitchen nearby.

Aside from the hurricane that passed by last weekend, it is summer year round here in Aruba. The sun always shines, and the sky is blue every single day of the week.

My commute to work is like a dream. I drive down winding roads lined with towering cacti, and the only traffic I have to deal with is when the goats decide to hold council inside the roundabout.

trekking tahuantinsuyu


I stuffed a chocolate brown corduroy jacket into my backpack and remember thinking that this would keep me warm when our plane landed at the airport in Cusco. My friend and I were on our way out the door to catch a plane to trek the Salkantay trail to Machu Picchu. It was winter there and summer all year round on the island where we live, so I didn’t have much to choose from when it came to packing for cold seasons. The jacket was a tight fit since I bought it years ago in my twenties. I’d gained some weight after marrying a man in my thirties who insisted we eat tacos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. His family was of Mexican descent, and he knew how to bring authentic tamales and taquitos to the table every evening. Dinner was always delicious, but I paid a price. I must have gained 20 pounds by the time I filed for divorce. Now that I was starting to lose weight after moving to a sunny island where ceviche is a staple food and you can’t find good Mexican cuisine, I remember also thinking, as I packed up the last items that day, that I would most certainly be back to my normal weight (whatever that means?) by the time I trekked 38 miles through the Andes. Never mind the fact that I was now well into my forties, that jacket would fit me again in a matter of days.

As much as I insisted that turning forty caused me to put on a few more pounds, my parents firmly believe that your metabolism does not have to slow down as you age. My father is a harsh critic when it comes to diet. I remember gleefully sharing my enthusiasm for enchiladas by taking him out to El Fenix for one of those winter Monday holidays, perhaps it was Presidents’ Day. He calmly placed his fork down after two or three bites of his lunch and silently shook his head in disbelief. “Why do people eat this food? I just don’t understand why anyone would eat this stuff. It’s so bad for you. That is going to have to be it for me.” He was leading by example in hopes that I would finally see the light of his wisdom and walk away from this forbidden cuisine the same way an alcoholic might push aside his cocktail and sign up for a Twelve-step program. He sat there, eyeing my fork, patiently waiting for me to place it down and walk with him out of that restaurant forever and into a new bright future ahead. Instead, I cleaned my plate and asked the waiter to box up his meal to go.

I try not to be fixated on weight the way my parents and American media messages suggest I should be. My dad could have finished eating those enchiladas. Enchiladas are a delicious food that people must eat and enjoy in moderation. Mexican food is a blessing to all of us here on Earth. Weight loss was on my mind that day because it just happened to be one of the benefits to embarking upon this adventure I was about to take. There were others for sure, but this one was immediate and measurable, and that was the incentive I needed to psychologically prepare myself for what I was about to do. I guess I figured, no matter what I was about to endure, at least I would lose a few pounds.

Adventure is an interesting word. Most people have positive associations in their mind when the word is thrown out there. It just sounds fun. Adventurous people are those you’d like to have as friends. But after you have set forth on a few of these journeys, you know the road isn’t always smoothly paved because it could, at anytime, present you with an unexpected roadblock or sudden sharp curve, maybe even a cliff to fall off as you plummet to your death. Didn’t busses plunge over steep ravines all the time in South America? There are inherent risks involved when it comes to any adventure. Years ago, I stayed at the Chianti Institute in Marfa, Texas over the summer. I pored through all the books in the library on lazy afternoons and distinctly remember a book by Agnes Martin. Her words have always stuck with me. “Life is an adventure and adventures are difficult. They are hard work and one does not know how they will go on or how they will end.”

These are words I know to be true, not just for travel, but also for so many other things we embark upon in life. I also know the rewards can be immense; so much so, that the hard work and difficulty it takes to move through it will make it worth it in the end. And as you get older, the regret of not taking the plunge will be far more bitter down the road than any discomfort you experience as you face these challenges. So these are the things I told myself as I prepared. Because the truth is that I am not fearless by any means. It is actually in my nature to worry, worry is part of my DNA – everyone in my family does it. And as I get older, I am even more timid and hesitant than I ever remember being racing down ski slopes in my twenties. But I know I have to make myself move through fear because if I don’t, fear will stop me in my tracks and keep me from moving forward to experience a forty something life to the fullest.

I fretted about all kinds of stuff before the plane even took off for Peru. I was worried about just making it to the fifth day on our trek. It was rated as moderate to difficult compared to all of the other hikes to Machu Picchu. The itinerary was intimidating. Eventually, I stopped reading about it online because all of the reviews were freaking me out. I’d find out everything I needed to know soon enough. I kept it to myself, but I had serious doubts. I had doubts that my ligaments and joints would withstand the relentless pounding. That is the thing about aging that no one tells you when you are younger. Eventually you start to feel the life you have lived over again in your spine and sockets. If you have had a certain amount of bumps and bruises in life, or have just lived a very active lifestyle thus far, your body has a way of keeping the memories alive for you. It’s going to bring those aches and pains back from time to time. I didn’t want that to happen deep in the Andes. How would I even get out of there if it did? 

I also worried about my clothing and trekking gear. As much as I tried to pull it all together living on an island, I just didn’t have everything I needed. I didn’t have the clothing made from synthetic materials. No Techwhick t-shirts. No base layers in Merino wool. Everything I packed was made from natural fibers because they were all makeshift selections from clothes I wore during my daily life in the Dutch Caribbean. I guess my yoga pants would have to double as hiking pants. Hopefully, it is acceptable to wear jeans when you hike. I couldn’t find any of the stuff I needed shopping in Aruba, and it was too expensive to ship from the States. Luckily, we found a Merrell kiosk of hiking boots after a wild goose chase one Saturday afternoon when Isabel and I visited every shoe store on the island. Every sales person assured me that they understood what I needed and knew where I could find it: and so we were off to the next shoe store, and the next, and the next, and another after that until we finally hit the jackpot. My ex-husband was kind enough to surprisingly ship a Camelbak filled with a few hiking items he deemed would be essential since he was the expert in adventure sports. I guess it was his way of making peace after I picked up all the attorney fees. My biggest mistake was not buying socks made specifically for hiking. I bought a bulk package of white cotton socks at the Chinese store because that was all I could find on the island. I was an amateur in many ways.

One thing I wasn’t worried about was arriving in Cusco. Nothing compares to that first moment when you step out on to the streets of a new city. Other people may fear being dropped into a foreign country surrounded by people from another culture. This was one of the few things in my life that never brought about anxiety.  Here I was in the Andes. I’d read about this place my entire life. I’d been here over and over again in my mind, flipping through page after page in books. There were llamas and glorious golden statues of Pachacutec and women wearing colorful textiles stooped on the steps of Spanish cathedrals. Terraces could be seen in the distance; we would eat potatoes or quinoa for dinner that evening. We went to the museum as soon as we felt we had adjusted to the altitude and peered through glass, carefully studying mummy bundles and trephined skulls. I examined Inca stone walls up close on the city streets: there really was no way to slide anything between those giant blocks placed so precisely together without mortar. Inside the cathedral at Plaza de Armas, iconography meshed together on a painting where Jesus and his disciples sat around a table serving up Guinea pig and chicha at the Last Supper. Dancers twirled down the street in anticipation of Inti Raymi. All of this would get me through anything ahead. I could climb a mountain in yoga pants and stupid white cotton socks. Who cares if I would soon freeze to death and my feet would become covered in painful blisters the size of kiwi fruit? I was in Tahuantinsuyu.

After a banana for breakfast and a long bus ride that left Cusco before sunrise, we arrived at our jumping off point, Mollepata, just as the day was breaking. Every one made it through the first day gracefully and with ease. Well, except for the first incline, the climb up seemed to be affecting all seven people in our trekking group. I stopped for a moment after the first thirty steps or so and panicked because I couldn’t catch my breath. Once we reached a vantage point along the slope of the mountain, our tour guide — Ever was his name, which is actually a common name in this region — asked if anyone was feeling the effects of the altitude. He took out a tiny bottle from inside his jacket pocket and poured a splash of shamanic flower spirit water into all of our open palms. He told us to rub our hands together and deeply inhale the fragrance. I have no idea what the stuff was but it did seem to give us the boost we needed to continue climbing.

I’ve spent a lot of time around mountains. My mother put me on skis as a toddler; some of my first memories as a child were of maneuvering my way in snow plow formation through the legs of giant wooden replicas of Bert and Ernie. But these were not the Rockies. I imagine you would have to go all the way to Alaska to see mountains this big in the United States. It was the world as I knew it, only magnified, and so incredibly so, that I couldn’t help but feel about as significant as a gnat. I scanned the panorama of snow capped peaks, jutting up across the sky (some as high as 17,000 feet). As impressive as the scenery was as I looked up high, I was equally impressed looking down to the ground at a pile of potatoes. Ever, who was enthusiastically ready to explain the process of making chuno, had just stopped us abruptly in our tracks in front of a tiny stone house with a thatched roof to gather around a tuberous heap. This is why I had come on this crazy expedition. It was the history in the Andes that made my heart skip a beat.

The long history of the potato fascinates me, so ignoble in appearance, yet they are still worshipped in the Andes today. They even designated a day on the calendar to celebrate potatoes, May 30th. These gritty, lumpy, suspicious looking spuds had to be the greatest novelty carried back across the Atlantic to Europe. Although Europeans were at first recorded to be suspicious, potatoes would eventually be elevated in status as one of the most important crops after the discovery of the New World. There are nearly 4,000 varieties in Peru, and papas (derived from Quechua) were on the menu for just about every meal we ate throughout our time in Peru. Who knew they could be that colorful and delicious!

On the second day we set out as the sun was rising to climb to the summit of Mt. Salkantay. We had trained somewhat for this on our tiny island at sea level. At the center of Aruba, there is a volcanic formation, referred to as a mountain but actually only a hill. People living on the island call it Hooiberg, which is Dutch for haystack. It is 541 feet to the top, which makes me laugh now that I realize we were going to be climbing to a mountain summit that was 15,088 feet high. We would climb the 600 stairs to the top after work every week on Wednesdays. As part of our conditioning program, we both agreed to go on day-long hikes every Sunday to build up our strength and fortitude to survive under extreme conditions. Our theory was that hiking in sweltering heat under a powerful tropical sun would prepare us for anything we might encounter trekking the second highest mountain range after the Himalayas. We should also make our island hikes extra challenging by going all day long, so as to feel what walking 8 consecutive hours is really like. Maybe we could get lost once in a while (Check), and even better if we were really low on water (Check).

Most of our pre-hikes in Aruba were along the coast on the rugged Atlantic side of the island. The scenery was always spectacular, and our efforts really did help condition us for what was ahead. Our hardest hike in Aruba before leaving for Peru was an 8 hour day, going down and then up two dry stream beds in Arikok Park. The heat in Aruba is unforgiving, and after several years without much rain, not much grows in Arikok these days. Hiking these trails, Rooi Tambu and Rooi Prins, it seemed as if the world had ended and we were the only humans left.  No one else was on the trail, which the park ranger had warned us would be the case. Everything had died. Dead trees. Dead goats. Eventually the goats were no longer goats but scattered bones, a skull here, a leg over there, and then a rib cage. Soon we came across a deceptive green apple tree, the infamous Manchineel tree, which just happens to be the most poisonous tree on Earth. There was a big sign reading DANGER directly underneath the tree, only after going under the tree to read the small print do you find out that it is perilous to stand there because the sap could leak onto your bare skin and cause you to suddenly break into a blistering rash that feels exactly like — as many wretched victims have described — being set on fire. Some victims did not live to tell us what it feels like if you accidentally eat the apple. After that hike, I knew I could take on the Salkantay. I was psychologically prepared for it at least. And my boots were fully broken in now.

So on that second day, by far the hardest day, over the summit and into the jungle we marched. The hike seemed to go on forever, maybe ten hours, possibly 12. Who knows? At the end, we were in survivalist mode so the details escape me. As we scaled to the summit, most of us had to stop often because so many were suffering from altitude sickness. It was a relief when the horses passed by because we could actually rest without looking as if we weren’t going to make it. I remember feeling like my body was going to give up on me, but my mind stayed strong. “It is all psychological,” Ever reminded us over and over again. Eventually, I just did what I always do during my toughest moments and focused on my breathing, the climb had become a moving meditation, one very shallow breath after another. This got me to the top. We were all blissed on the way down — here was something we could do without gasping for air.  Then afternoon turned to night and we were still on the descent, except now we were walking in the dark in the jungle. By the time we made it to camp and turned our flashlight off, I could no longer walk. My legs felt like jello and my knees felt like someone had hammered  them with a mallet.

Early the next morning, freezing cold and bundled up in multiple layers inside our sleeping bags, we woke up to a hand floating through the zipper of our tent. The hand was holding a cup as it rang like our morning alarm clock, “Coca tea?” After taking the piping hot beverage, the hand reminded us to be ready to go in 30 minutes, never mind that it was still pitch black dark. I did the best I could to pack up and prepare for the day, but I left behind my sunglasses and overlooked bandaging up major blisters that were developing on my feet.

Off we went onto the outskirts of the Amazon. The scenery was epic, but my knees were shot from walking a steep downhill most of the day before, so I was limping at this point. Isabel was walking behind me to make sure I didn’t fall off the side of the mountain, as I wobbled unsteadily on a path carved into the steep slope, a path about the width of an escalator. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks on the gravel, looked over the steep ravine inches from my feet, and just started sobbing. “I can’t do this,” I told my friend. I cried because I didn’t understand any of these people. “Why would you voluntarily do this to your body? I’ve always been trained to listen to your body. If your knees are screaming at you, then it is just common sense to stop and maybe take a seat so you can rest.” Isabel offered her best Dutch words of encouragement. Eventually, Ever saw that I was in distress and came to walk behind me, taking Isabel’s place so she could move on with her life and enjoy the nature walk. The pain I was feeling on the downhill was normal he said. Everyone feels it to varying degrees. Somehow just hearing that others had walked in this agony before me helped to get through it. We made it to camp that afternoon and were so relieved to dip into hot springs at Santa Teresa that evening. You could see a glimpse of Huayna Picchu through the clearing. It became clear just how close we were.

On Day 4 we paid extra money to opt out of the morning hike and decided zip lining would be far less dangerous than taking any more steps than we had to on that trek. I harnessed up and before I knew it, I was sliding across 5 cables, one after the other: the tallest and longest in South America. Along the way was a suspension bridge that we had to cross to complete the course. My legs were trembling when I took the first steps out on to that bridge. Again, my mind turned to history, and somehow just thinking about the ancient Inca and how these suspension bridges were an integral part of their road system seemed to help. Llamas crossed bridges similar to this one. If a llama can make it across, then I can do this. That afternoon we followed a train track for several hours into Aguas Calientes, the small town at the base of Machu Picchu. We would finally get a hot shower and Wifi.

We lined up to board our bus to Machu Picchu four o’clock the next morning. It was June 21st, winter solstice, so we wanted to be at the top by daybreak. We’d been going up and down mountains for four days now, but I have never felt every step quite the way I did that morning climbing to the top of Machu Picchu. My body was completely beat. At this point my feet were covered in painful blisters, and my legs felt like they had just been pulled out from under a tractor. But my heart was racing ecstatically, just from the excitement of where I was about to land. Morning fog obstructed our view once we got to the top. We couldn’t see anything, but we listened intently as Ever told us all about what would soon be revealed. And just like that is how it happened. The misty curtain burned away with the noonday sun, and there it was for us to behold in all its glory: Proof that we can’t have the answer to everything there is to know here on Earth.

Our tour guide became our friend once we were back in Cuzco. He took us out for drinks to the places where the locals go, per our request. We learned even more about the Salkantay, the Inca, and the ancient Andes. People were carried out all the time he told us. Sometimes they get injured, other times they buckle under old injuries, but most of the time they just freak out and order that someone get them the hell out of there because this isn’t what they signed up for. They have to carry them out on horseback or lift them out by helicopter. We asked which trail is the hardest. “The Salkantay is harder than the Inca Trail,” he expertly stated without hesitation. We asked who was the oldest to ever finish the Salkantay. He told us the oldest man to ever finish the Salkantay was 76, and the oldest man to finish the Inca Trail was 92. Ever knew everything there was to know about the Andes. He had grown up in a tiny house far from Cuzco, learning Quechua as his first language. He went on to explain nuances in Quechua pronunciation and how the slightest misstep can mean something entirely different. He gave us several examples, but his favorite was that Machu Picchu is pronounced MAH-choo PEEK-choo, which means old mountain.  If you pronounce it (MAH-choo PEE-choo, then you are saying old penis. His favorite way to teach tourist how to pronounce Sacsayhuaman was to tell them just remember it sounds exactly like sexy woman. He filled us in on all kinds of details. “Things have changed a lot at Machu Picchu recently. We used to play soccer and barbecue llamas up there.”

I wore the corduroy jacket out for drinks in Cuzco with Ever that night and it did finally fit. I’d lost a good amount of weight. It’s amazing how much weight you can lose in a week walking from sun up to sundown. It was nice to know I could be college thin again if I spent every day climbing mountains. But real life doesn’t work like that. Most of us don’t spend all day exerting that kind of physical effort. There are just not enough hours in the day to devote that much time to exercise; I have way too many other interest to spend all my time thinking about weight and working out. In the end, it seemed so trivial to even be thinking about any of it. What a stupid thought? How programmed I was as a woman to think of something so petty before leaving on such a monumental trip. And how programmed we are as women to fixate on weight when our bodies are limitless with potential. Instead, how thankful I should be that my body has carried me through all my years in life to this moment, that it took me throughout the Andes and returned me safely back home.

Some people go to Machu Picchu and report back a kind of epiphany; they seem to have found the meaning of life up in those clouds. I wish I had such existential words to share. Although I agree that Machu Picchu definitely takes you to higher ground in the Stevie Wonder sense of the word, the truth is I am just as confused about what it all means as I ever was before I fought my way to the the top of that mountain. It’s not as if I could care less about the deeper meaning. I think about these things often. I have a stack of books on theology left to me by my grandmother sitting on my bedside table. Some of these books were given to my grandmother from a woman I never met, but who everyone agrees was the family saint, Aunt Margaret. They both marked pages, underlined sentences, and often annotated in the margins. I read the books hoping these wise women can still speak to me somehow so as to guide me as I turn each new corner. I’ve learned to accept that I can never know what is around the corner, that it doesn’t always work out the way I had hoped, that sometimes it can be painful, and sometime it can break your heart. But I have to keep turning corners again and again anyway. Perhaps the biggest inspiration to taking action and turning the corner is just knowing that at any moment you could find a city in the clouds.


Staying Connected from a Distant Rock

Originally published on 7/4/16 on Women who Live on Rocks

Staying Connected from a Distant Rock



So what’s the biggest challenge when it comes to leaving your country behind to settle for an undetermined amount of time on a rock in the middle of the sea?

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Is it the mountain of paperwork to be processed at a snail’s speed due to all the red tape you have to contend with on both sides of the border? Is it the giant Amazonian centipede that slithers past your feet while doing laundry? Will you lose your mind without access to American products, appliances, and convenience? No hot water. No more dishwasher and dryer. No strategically stocked stores open 24/7. Or, perhaps, you will rack your brain just figuring out how the basic necessities work in a foreign land. How do you hook up the gas to the stove from that big tank in the driveway? Where is this sudsy water coming from on the side of the house? Ahh, that must be shampoo after just washing my hair. Is it normal for water to just drain out into the side yard after a shower? Why are my neighbors burning their garbage? More importantly, what the hell do you do with a septic tank? And why are people just now telling me to never ever flush toilet paper?

While all the above are definitely worthy contenders, the toughest part, as far as I am concerned, is leaving behind friends and family. I couldn’t imagine doing this before the Internet Age. Ironically, there is nothing like moving to a distant rock in the middle of nowhere to increase your technology usage. I spend more time on my cell phone and computer now than I ever did when living in the busting metropolis of 7 million from which I originally hail. I’ve installed new apps on my phone. I’m using more social networking sites than ever. And I started a blog to keep everyone at home updated on the details of my life here. There are fewer people on this island than the total population of some of the suburbs surrounding the city where I once lived. It is a rough and tumble landscape all around. Cacti tower above me, a dense thicket of scraggly bushes cover the land in-between roads, goats and donkeys roam wild, chickens wake me up beneath my bedroom window every morning, boa constrictors dangle from water pipes outside my house… but I’ve got an instant wireless connection to all my loved ones in the United States with me at all times.

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Saying goodbye to my family was the hardest. Unless your family happens to be wealthy, goodbye also means not knowing when you will see everyone again. It is expensive to fly to and from an island. The average plane ticket to get here costs $750. I have to plan far in advance to afford the flight home. Usually that means a morning flight at some absurd hour. Cheap tickets also mean long travel days with connecting flights on the east coast in D.C. or Miami. After an early morning 3-hour wait in Customs, and an afternoon leg across the Caribbean Sea, there is barely enough time to grab a quick dinner at Bojangles’ Famous Chicken and Biscuits in Charlotte before I board a flight clear across the southeastern portion of the United States, landing just before midnight in the bright lights and big city. Needless to say, the travel days back home are long and grueling. Eventually, you feel the distance because you can’t just hop on a flight and go home whenever you want. My only connection to my land and people is the Internet.

According to a recent survey I just took of Americans working overseas, WhatsApp, Skype, and Facebook are the top three links for maintaining ties to friends and family back home. The hardest people to say goodbye to when I left were my mom and dad. My parents aren’t set up with WhatsApp and Skype. My father is still grappling with Facebook. So in an effort to keep up with them on a weekly basis, I’ve been calling through my Gmail account on my laptop. “You’re talking to me on your email? On your computer? How exactly does that work? Do you have to pay for that? Can I do that? How do I do that? Can you show me how to do that next time you’re home? When are you coming home?” I’m one of those people who learns technology on an as-needed basis. I do my best to keep up with it myself, so trying to keep my seventy year old parents up to date enough to communicate with them from the coastal edge of South America is somewhat of a challenge.

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Then there is the unique predicament that comes with a long distance relationship. From what I have discovered, everyone who moves to an island has one of three stories when it comes to romance: Some people move to a rock to follow the love of their life. That wasn’t me. That seems like a really nice story though. Some move to an island hoping to find love. That wasn’t me either. I just followed through with steps to accomplish a career goal. Fate placed me on an island in the southern Caribbean, only I was already dating someone at home when all of this happened. This is the third version of the three stories, and statistically, this one never ends well. If you are romantically involved with someone, moving to an island is probably not the ideal way to show them how much you care. I know there are people who make it work, but it is very difficult and even more so living in another country. By the time you are finally able to talk on WhatsApp through island wifi (read: sloooowww), the connection has already dropped. I guess I will be installing the Tinder App soon on my phone as well.

Maintaining connections with friends is actually the easiest, especially if they are friends you had before the Internet was even invented. These are the friends you can go years without seeing and then just pick up where you left off. Friends want you to take on an adventure and become the best version of yourself, so they will emphatically support your crazy decision to move to a distant island, or to the middle of the desert, or in my case, both. They won’t be distraught the way a boyfriend or family might be. They think it is fabulous and even better if they can visit. Friends are most likely already much more connected to you online as well. I keep up with friends mostly through Facebook and Instagram. Sometimes it feels as if these are my only windows into what is taking place in my social world at home. Conversations through posts and pictures on Facebook and Instagram do have limits however. I often wonder what is really happening in their lives. How can I get the full story on these sites the way you would sharing a bottle of wine?

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The best thing you can do while maintaining digital connections to people back home is start making real life connections with people on your rock. Friendships formed on islands create a unique shipwrecked kind of bond, especially if these friends landed on the island around the same time as you. Time together will be spent laughing hysterically as you adapt to the madness all around. All of the quirks and hiccups of island adjustment become funny stories to tell over sunset cocktails at the beach. Every weekend will be a new adventure because there always seems to be some kind of festival when you live in the Caribbean. There are also more holidays on the calendar here than in the States. The support of friends on your island is paramount because even with so much celebration, you may feel island fever from time to time, or just disconnected somewhat from your culture and country. There are very few Americans who actually live here in Aruba. The only Americans I ever encounter are inebriated mobs disembarking from giant tour buses or boisterous tourists sitting at tables in restaurants.

Someday I will make it back home. I will have gained so much perspective when I cross back over, not only about other people and places around the world, but also about my home and family. Nothing compares to life on a rock when it comes to lessons learned about what matters the most in life. It’s the people in your life who bring meaning. Although, I will admit, spending time with people on a white sand beach overlooking a turquoise blue sea is a huge perk when it comes to bringing meaning to your life. So if you are lucky enough to be sitting across from someone right now, put the phone away. Facebook, WhatsApp, and Instagram can wait. Save all of it for a time when distance truly keeps you from face to face conversation.

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friendly but possibly fake

IMG_8582I moved to Aruba to learn about other cultures, so it’s odd to me that I’ve learned a good deal about my own culture since leaving it all behind. I often find myself identifying in a strange and unexpected way with my American status. Where are you from is the first question people ask here. Telling people I am American is a weird thing to have to say all the time because it’s not really anything I ever said much before. Most of the time I just introduce myself as Texan. I’ve discovered that there are very few Americans actually living in Aruba. There are, however, plenty of American tourists who flock here, week after week. I see them all over the place. They disembark from a huge bus in a giant mob on these crazy tours that go all over the island. They randomly stop to go have a drink during happy hour at a local bar or feed the donkeys for 15 minutes at the Donkey Sanctuary. Then they zoom off to the next location. It’s a bit of jolt when they arrive because they basically travel in an inebriated mass, and you are forced to confront your own culture as a drunk crowd that could easily fill one side of a small stadium, making every stereotype about Americans seem overly exaggerated. Inevitably, my friends and I always laugh and strike up conversations about how others view Americans when we see the bus. Here are a few things I have learned about what others think of Americans, not only from these conversations, but also living as an alien in another culture and country.

1. Americans are loud mouths– I had read before moving overseas about the obnoxious American tourist, but nothing prepares you for routine encounters with this particular breed through the lens of living life in another country. Whether it is waiting in line for 3 hours through customs at the airport, or pushing my cart down the grocery store aisle, there is no denying the fact that Americans are extremely loud. For the longest time, I would just put my head in my hands, completely mortified while dining out with friends as we listened to Americans destroy the ambiance with their boisterous conversation a few tables over. Nowadays, after going months without any kind of live connection to my land and people, I find myself wanting to talk to these tourists when I see them. I think to myself, there are my people, wouldn’t it be nice to say hello. Then I realize after sitting next to them for a while, why bother? I’ve already heard amplified answers to anything I may have wanted to know as they hoot, howl, and holler clear across the room, broadcasting every detail of their life story to everyone around them.

2. We are friendly, but also possibly fake – This is the one I hear the most. It’s a difficult one for me to understand. I am an animated version of this stereotype since I hail from the friendly state of Texas. I am told again and again that Americans are extremely polite and welcoming. We are complimented often by people from all over for this trait. Mostly, it is a good thing, but people also explain to me that there is a specific American cadence in our tone and an overuse of positive adjectives that leave other cultures suspicious of our motives. It’s as if we are all television talk show hosts. Apparently, people from other countries detect an upward inflection at the end of our words and sentences. That and the actual English words we choose to use are also somewhat suspect, words like great and awesome. Is everything really that great and awesome? Aren’t some things just good or maybe only alright? People, mostly Europeans, describe this especially with first encounters. It is seen as being a bit superficial, as if we aren’t really honest about what is happening inside, maybe kind of like we are always smiling for the camera. Like is another word we overuse. I’ve used it twice in the last several sentences.

3. We are poorly traveled – I can trace my family history back to every major epoch in American history.  The Lewis name is derived from Welsh ancestors who arrived in the mid 17th century. My father’s great grandfather married a woman whose family can be traced back to some of the first settlers at Jamestown. My great great great grandfather was orphaned after losing his Cherokee parents on the Trail of Tears. Then there were the French Huguenots on my mother’s side who fled Normandy and moved to North Carolina at the turn of the 18th century. My maternal grandmother’s Czech ancestors came with the late 19th century wave of Eastern European immigrants; they arrived penniless and built a fortune in ironworks. These are compelling, epic stories of brave men and women leaving everything they knew behind to take the journey of a lifetime, some voluntarily and others with no other choice. But it seems that our ancestors were the first and last adventure seekers and trailblazers; their descendants are far too comfortable living out sedentary lives within America’s borders, or even only one American state. Maybe it is the cost of travel, or, perhaps, it’s the shear size of the nation and expanse of the land from sea to sea. Maybe Americans simply think the best places to visit are all in the United States. Who knows? If we lived in a smaller country, maybe we would be more likely to cross international boundaries. Whatever the reason, most people believe Americans do not travel enough. They believe Americans do not really know or want to learn about the rest of the world.

4. English is our only language – This one is obvious once you leave the United States. Everyone I meet in Aruba speaks several languages. I routinely receive language instruction from the gas station attendant where I fill up the tank in my Hyundai. Every week I throw out a new word and he can give me the translation in Spanish, Papiamento and Dutch. I meet people like him all around this place. I’m waiting in line at the grocery store to check out and the cashier speaks to the family in front of me in Dutch, then she greets me in English, and I listen while bagging my groceries as she talks to the couple behind me in Papiamento. As Americans, we aren’t really forced to learn another language because so many people speak English. There is something rather sad and limiting about only experiencing the world through one language. There is so much joy to be felt when discovering a new word for something you have no translation for in your native tongue. Words work a little bit like magic that way. I may never master French, which was the first language I ever studied. But at least I know I can buy a train ticket in Italy and talk my way through a mordida when driving across the country of Mexico. One important thing I can do abroad is to continue to study and practice using another language everyday, mostly because It is a way of building connections and showing love and respect for other cultures.

5. We sleep with a gun under our pillow – Here is another stereotype I have to contend with all the times as a Texan. I’ve never owned a gun, nor do I ever want to own a gun. Actually, I’ve never felt safer than I have these last 9 months living in Aruba even though there is a makeshift outdoor bar around the corner from my front porch where men from all over the neighborhood start drinking everyday at 2 PM. They have a couple of chairs, a sofa, a pull-a-part car, and a wrecked boat, littering the ground all around are countless bottles of beer and rum. During the evenings my neighbor across the way routinely gesticulates up at the night sky and screams at the canopy of stars above. Do I feel my life is in danger? Should I worry for my safety? No, not at all, I sleep easier at night knowing my chances of getting shot tomorrow have significantly decreased since leaving my country. Close friends at home have been held up at gun point. My family members have been shot while walking to their car after dinner out on the town. They were all lucky to make it out alive. As far as I am concerned, the gun violence at home is rampant and evident even from where I sit perched on this rock far away. Recently, I was the only American in a jam packed room waiting to pay my my electric bill at Elmar while CNN covered breaking news of another mass shooting in the United States. I looked around the room at all the Aruban faces watching the screen and thought to myself: People around the world must think we are nuts.

6. Americans have lost their minds – Actually, people around the world do think we are nuts. How else could a xenophobic, misogynist become a serious contender for the White House? I remember a friend’s comment before I left last summer. “Aren’t you so relieved to be leaving the country before this circus gets started?” They were just setting up the tents at that point. I thought I could  bury my head in the sand and by the time I had cable TV (a 3 month waiting period in Aruba) America would come to its senses. When cable was finally connected in January, he was still there on the screen pointing his finger and shouting out loud about his penis size across my living room during a debate. I thought to myself – Eek, what did he just say? How is this happening? What did we do to deserve this? My friend was spot on with her remark. Yes, I was happy to escape the circus, but that circus has now turned into a terrifying carnival, the kind with distorted mirrors and scary clowns and creepy music, the kind where freak shows are still permissible. People around the world are either pointing and laughing or recoiling in terror at the freak show. Mostly, they are just asking – What are they thinking? 

7. Everything is big – I hear this one all the time, about as often as I hear overly-friendly.  There is an impression that everything in America is bigger. The size of the country is big. American patriotism is super sized. Not only do they love their country, Americans also really love themselves because I often hear about big American egos. The stores they shop in are colossal warehouses filled with an endless supply of tons of stuff to buy in bulk. They are voracious consumers; their appetite can never be satisfied. We consume things constantly, especially food and beverages in supersize quantities. They like to eat big burgers and steaks and pizzas and hot dogs and wash it all down with extra large sodas. They drive big trucks, especially big white Doge Ram pickup trucks. Americans are physically big in size and stature and carry around extra pounds of fat. The list goes on. Some big descriptions are positive. Americans are big tippers and give their money generously to charity. But then they can’t understand why we would give away our money.

8.Fend for yourself – There is this glorified American wild west myth of horses and cowboys that still exists to this day. Our American landscape is romanticized by the rest of the world. I remember hearing that one back in 1989 during my first trip to Paris. “Do you ride horses?” I was asked again and again. We were just kids at the time, so we answered, “Sure, we ride horses to school everyday and wear cowboy boots most days as well.” It was easier to play along. This wild west story lends itself well to the idealism of American ruggedness and individualism. There is this notion that the untamed landscape shaped the American identity. We are seen by others as fiercely independent. You fend for yourself in America. Enter at your own risk and be sure to take some risks along the way, or you may never get ahead. Hopefully, it all works out for you because if it doesn’t, well – it’s the wild west and you’re on your own.

Is any of this true? Who knows? Maybe some of it is true of some but not everyone. Maybe some of it is true in some places but not everywhere. Maybe Americans just need to travel more so others can see how diverse we are as people. People from other countries need to visit America and see how diverse the land is as well. I’m doing my best living on this multicultural island to tell others what a great place The United States is to visit. I make suggestions all the time. I usually throw out something from this list:

Drive up the Pacific Coast Highway. Spend a week in San Francisco. Camp in the Redwoods. Drive the sand dunes in Oregon. Visit Fisherman’s Wharf in Seattle. Go to Mesa Verde and climb inside ruins built by ancient Puebloan people. Hike Moab. Ski Taos. Say a prayer for someone you love inside Chimayo. Spelunk Carlsbad Caverns. Drive the River Road from Presidio to Lajitas. See the mystery lights in Marfa.  Swim Hamilton Pool outside of Austin. Eat tacos and then eat more tacos. Eat some enchiladas too. Smother them in chile. Snowshoe Minnesota. Go to a juke joint in St. Louis. Visit Chicago. Eat beignets in New Orleans. Drive east across the south to the Carolinas and sample comfort food, Southern style. Spend an entire day inside a museum in Washington D.C. Stay a summer in Brooklyn and go get lost in Manhattan everyday.

I tell them this is the America I want to share with you. These are only some of my favorite places. Go see for yourself. It truly is a great country. The people really are very warm and welcoming. It’s authentic. It’s real. You will make many new friends. And a road trip is the best way to travel.